I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize