I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
