Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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