I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
