speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You're like the curious george of whores
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize