i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
