my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
