There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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