so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
