it was like eating out sand paper
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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