Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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