dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize