Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
