drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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