He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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