Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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