Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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