How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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