there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
