Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trust falling into bushes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
