I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
