So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
