At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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