What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
