she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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