Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
