i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
