Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
