bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
