genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
