Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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