You work out of a Hotel?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
