Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
