see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My bed smells like the plague
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
