my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
