One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
