True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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