I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
