Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize