Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
