Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
