Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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