bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize