i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
