i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
