We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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