If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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