I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize