Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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