I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
