Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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