Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize