Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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