I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
