1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
