I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
