come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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