Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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