kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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