he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
