I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
