Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
