I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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