At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
