think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
