Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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